real hurt to give this real worth
by paradoxiKay
Summary: Kio knows he can't be Seimei. But he thinks that, maybe, he can give Soubi something he wants without being cruel.


Soubi's _stupid_ pretty even with all his clothes on, but that's nothing compared to how good he looks naked and kneeling at Kio's feet, the very image of submission.

"I'm not going to punish you." Kio crouches down to Soubi's level, gently nudges his chin up to look him in the eye. "I'll hurt you, if you want to be hurt, but I won't punish you. If you submit to me, it's going to be because you want to. Not because there'll be consequences if you don't."

He knows he can't be Seimei – doesn't want to be Seimei. The idea of being anything like that bastard is utterly repulsive to him. But he thinks that, maybe, he can give Soubi something he wants without being cruel.

"Is that what you want?"

"I want to be dominated. I want…" Soubi touches his throat and the scars there. For an agonizing moment he hesitates, his eyes focused not on Kio but on something far away.

But only for a moment.

"I want you to dominate me."

"Good! I'm so glad." And oh, is Soubi ever going to be fun to play with, if this is how he reacts to even the slightest praise - closing his eyes to drink it in, nuzzling into Kio's hand when it shifts to cup his cheek. Gentle, needy. _Submissive_, but not like how he submitted to Seimei. There's something hopeful there, something Kio desperately wants to draw out and nurture.

"I'm going to make you feel so good, Sou-chan. Just leave everything to me."

Soubi turns to press a kiss to Kio's palm, whispers a "thank you" so close his lips write the words against Kio's skin, and the last lingering doubts - the nagging worries that something soft and sweet isn't really what Soubi wants at all - melt away. This will work. Maybe it won't fix anything in the long run, but for a little while, at least, he can make Soubi _happy_.

"I'd like you up on the bed, okay? On your back." Judging by the sigh that escapes Soubi's lips, brushes over Kio's wrist, Soubi isn't too keen on moving. But he only hesitates for a moment before rising from his knees. Kio stands with him, offering a gentle hand at the small of his back to guide him across the room to the bed. He likes the contact almost as much as Soubi clearly does - and he's still basking in the novelty of being _able_ to touch Soubi like this without being pushed away or, at best, completely ignored.

It hurts, a little, knowing that Soubi really does want the kind of affection he so often rebukes - that Kio is so willing to give. How does that all work out in Soubi's head? What makes it okay _now_? ...but Kio will allow it, if this soft, pliant Soubi who melts under his hands is the result.

With Soubi settled on the bed, Kio sits beside him, brushing that pretty blond hair out of Soubi's face so Soubi can't hide behind it. "Remember, if you need to stop, just tell me. If you want me to be doing something different - tell me!" He's all too familiar with the unimpressed look Soubi's giving him, and he barrels on regardless. "I mean it, Sou-chan! If you don't like this, you don't have to put up with it for my sake. I just want to make you feel good."

"With needles."

"With needles!" Oh, he's just _so excited_ to introduce Soubi to his very favorite method of (consensual!) (pre-negotiated!) torment. He can't keep the grin off his face. It's not very professional of him, but Soubi's in the wrong bed if he wants the super-serious kind of Dom. Kio always gets the giggles when he tries to pull that off.

"If I need to stop…" There's a funny look on Soubi's face, one Kio's not sure he likes. But it passes before he can think about it too hard. "Yes. I'll tell you."

"That's right. Good."

Even the simplest things - a little praise and his hand resting on Soubi's thigh - elicit beautiful reactions; this time Soubi's lips part as his eyes close, though what comes out is barely a breath, let alone a moan. Kio squeezes the pale skin under his hand before reluctantly pulling away. He'd love to sit here and keep touching Soubi, keep telling him nice things, but that's not really what Soubi's here for.

So he turns to the bedside table, where everything's all set up and waiting: gloves and antiseptic, but most importantly the hypodermic needles, in two different sizes for the contrasting colors of the plastic hubs. Kio's an artist, after all, and he knows how to find the beauty in pain, but he likes his work to be aesthetically pleasing in its own right.

With gloved hands he wipes down a broad patch of Soubi's thigh. Soubi pulls a face at the smell of antiseptic and Kio laughs, fondly; he can't ruffle Soubi's hair the way he'd like to, not without defeating the purpose of the gloves, but he can and does lean down to kiss Soubi's forehead.

Then he reaches for the needles.

He pushes the first one through quick and easy, murmuring reassurance as he goes; "there you go, you're doing so good for me," and Soubi _is_. He doesn't flinch, just relaxes into the bright spark of pain, all traces of apprehension gone now that he knows Kio isn't giving him anything he can't take.

Another needle, and Soubi gives into it just as beautifully, and Kio's heart could just burst for how impossibly fond he is of this stubborn, stubborn man - how glad he is to be able to offer something Soubi clearly needs. The little moans and sighs Soubi offers him as he continues are all the sweeter for how stoic Soubi usually is, and Kio seeks out more of them, gently tapping on the needles' hubs so they shift under Soubi's skin.

It's when he's about to place the sixth needle that he glances up, just to make sure Soubi's doing okay, and sees blood seeping from the scars on Soubi's throat.

For a second he freezes, unable to make sense of what he's seeing. As gruesome as Soubi's scars are they're just that, _scars_ \- long since healed over and long past bleeding, except that's unmistakably what's happening. He has enough presence of mind to put the needle he's holding in the sharps container where it belongs, but beyond that he has no idea what to do.

"...Kio?" Soubi sounds sleepy, or a little drunk, already slipping into his happy place from the endorphin rush. He's in such a vulnerable position, relying on Kio, trusting him, and Kio can't even begin to figure out how to help. It's a horrible feeling. "What's wrong?"

"You're - Sou-chan, you're bleeding." He touches his own throat, and Soubi mirrors the movement, smearing blood across his fingertips. What the hell! How is this happening and why, Kio thinks, half-hysterical, is it happening _now_?

"Ah." Soubi examines his fingers with a distinct lack of surprise that only makes things worse. If he knew this was going to happen, why didn't he say anything? "By the way, if you hurt me, I'm going to spontaneously start bleeding" is the kind of thing Kio really would have liked to know beforehand!

There are a lot of things he wants to say, but somehow all that comes out is "I'm going to take the needles out now," which is probably for the best. That seems like a reasonable thing to do. Not that anything about this situation is reasonable! His hands are shaking a little, but he takes a deep breath - another - and manages to steady them enough to start carefully easing the needles out of Soubi's skin.

Only now does Soubi flinch.

"We don't…" He's still out of it, struggling to find words. Usually it would be a triumph to see him like this. Now, it just makes Kio feel like a failure. "We don't have to stop. I'm fine."

"Like hell you're fine!" Kio gets the last needle out and starts going over the little puncture wounds with antiseptic. At least that one thing is abundantly clear. "I don't know what's going on, but it's not 'fine'."

Shaking a little, Soubi props himself up on one arm. "Seimei," he says, and Kio's blood runs cold. "I've… betrayed Seimei."

As if things weren't bad enough already. Though it makes sense, in a fucked-up kind of way. Seimei left those scars, after all, and Kio can't think of anything else that would make them bleed like that! But - "What are you talking about? Seimei's _dead_, and you haven't betrayed anyone!"

"I betrayed him. By submitting to someone else." He sits up properly, and bats Kio's hand away when he tries to start putting bandages on the needle wounds. "I should have known better."

Again, it makes sense, in the worst way possible. Kio sits back and watches Soubi bandage up his thigh on his own, with hands that still shake. Soubi's always been hard to take care of, but this time it really is Kio's job, and it doesn't sit well with him that he apparently isn't allowed to take care of his own sub.

Or someone else's sub. "Seimei's dead," he says again, but without much conviction. Of course Seimei can control Soubi from beyond the grave. From how Soubi describes him, absolutely nothing is impossible where Seimei's involved. "Even if you did betray him, why would that make you bleed? I don't get it!"

"This name is a mark of ownership." The blood's gone tacky, but it still smears when Soubi reaches up and touches the scars again. "I belong to Seimei. Only he is allowed to dominate me."

Kio pulls a blanket around Soubi's shoulders, and pushes a bottle of water into his hands. He doesn't object, but he holds the bottle like it's some alien object he doesn't know what to do with. Kio has to take the top off and hold it to his lips before he drinks.

"I'm sorry, Kio. This never should have happened."

Damn right it shouldn't have. But, Kio thinks, Soubi's not the one who should be sorry.


End file.
